啞巴園丁

The Decameron

Giovanni Boccaccio

Translated By J.M. Rigg

Bill Lin譯

十日清談的第三日，故事一

【大要】

從蘭波雷基奧來的馬塞托假裝是個啞巴，在女修道院裡當園丁；修女們達成協議，急着要跟他上床。

【故事內容】

美麗的淑女們，有不少人，他們都笨到閉著眼相信：懷春的少女只要罩着白紗，披着黑巾，就再也不是一個女人、再也不會思春了；或者，彷彿罩上道袍，當了修女，就會像個石頭人似的。

凡是有這種想法的人，一旦聽到了任何違背他們信仰的事情，他們會毫不保留的強烈譴責，像是發生了什麼逆天背理的罪惡。他們不但不想想自己隨心所欲，要怎樣就怎樣，尚且還不能滿足，也不考慮到一個人整日閑暇無事，孤寂獨處，會有多大的壓力。

還有好多人閉著眼相信：認為那在日間幹辛苦活兒的人，他們的肉慾早給那鐵鍬鋤頭、粗衣淡飯、艱苦的生活根除了，他們的頭腦已昏昏沉沉，再不識好歹了。但是這誤解和實際相差是很大的！現在女王吩咐我講一個故事，我打算在不偏離她所限定的範圍內講個短短的故事來證明這些。

在我們的偏遠郊外有一座以聖潔著稱的女修道院，這座修道院至今還在，所以我不想說出它的名字來，以免得損了它的聲譽。那時，包括院長在內共有九位修女，都是些年青的女人。

她們讓一個笨拙的傢伙來修整她們的美麗的花園。這園丁嫌工資不夠，和院裡的管事辭職，說走就走，回到蘭波雷基奧的老家去了。

那些歡迎他回家的親友中，有個叫做馬塞托的年輕人，身強力壯，而且還算英俊的莊稼漢，問他：「這麼長的一陣子都待在哪兒？」

牛托（我們這個好友的名字）告訴了他；馬塞托再問他：如何能一直待在修道院工作？

牛托回答說：「我好好地替她們修剪一個很大的漂亮的花園，而且，偶而也到樹林裡去撿柴，挑水，還做些雜差。但是這些修女只給那麼一點錢，幾乎要讓我打赤腳。更甚的是她們都年輕無知，我想：她們全都被鬼附身，因為不論怎麼做，都不會稱她們的心意；說實在的，當我在菜圃裡工作，這一個吩咐我：『把這個拿到這裡來！』那一個嚷道：『把那個放到那兒去！』還有一個把我手裡的鐵鍬奪了去，說：『這樣做不對！』她們就這樣煩我，一直弄到我不幹了，往外跑。就為了這種種緣故，我認為再也做不下去，所以就回來了。在我離開前，那管事的要我回去之後看見有什麼合適的人，好介紹他那個工作，我也答應了；但願上帝幫他的忙，讓我順利的幫他找到人！」

牛托繼續說著，馬塞托的心同時也被一股要跟這些使他著迷的修女們在一塊兒的慾望抓住了，根據牛托所述，他的慾望有可能實現。正如他不可能向牛托透露的，他一話不說，只下個斷語：「啊！走得好！一個男人跟那麼多女人住一起，如同和一群魔鬼廝混；十之八九都不知道他們在幹什麼！」

話局結束了；但是馬塞托已經開始千方設想，要如何進行才有可能混進她們那裡去。他知道他很勝任牛托所描述的工作，所以他不怕工作上的考驗；但是他擔心他不會被接受，因為他太年輕了，而且條件又那麼好。

幾番思量以後，他有了這麼一串的念頭：「那地方離這裡有好一段路，沒有人認得我；只要讓人以為我是個啞巴，毫無疑問，我會得到這份工作。」一打定主意，他就掮了一柄斧頭，不告訴任何人他的去向，出發去了，打算到修道院去裝扮成一個窮光蛋。

一到那兒，很湊巧，正好在院子裡遇見了管事。他假裝是個啞巴，用手勢求他的慈心，給一點吃的東西；假使用得著的話，他願意替他們劈柴。那管事馬上給了他東西吃，隨後又搬出一堆牛托一向都劈不動的柴，馬塞托很強壯，一下子，就全都劈好；那管事恰好有事要到樹林裡去，便帶了他一同去，叫他在那裡截斷樹枝；又把驢子牽過來，讓他把截斷的木頭裝在驢子背上，再跟他做着手勢，要他把木頭帶回修道院去。

這些，他做得很好，所以管事把他留下幾天，叫他做一兩樣雜差。就這樣，有一天，女院長看到他，就問管事這人是誰。管事回答：「院長，他是個又聾又啞的可憐人，一兩天前，他來乞求施捨，我善待他，讓他自己在各方面做些有用的事情。如果他懂得蒔花種菜，照料園圃，也願意待下來的話，毫無疑問對我們很有幫忙，我們正缺少這樣一個身強力壯的園丁，什麼都可以打發他去做；再說，你可以不用擔心他會跟你那些年青的姑娘調笑。」

「一切都信靠上帝，」院長說：「你說得對，讓他試試會不會園藝，可以的話，就想辦法把他留下來。送他一雙鞋子，一頂用過的兜帽，說說好話，待他好些，讓他肚子吃得飽飽的。」管事全答應了。

那時，馬塞托正在就近的地方，假裝在打掃庭院，也全聽到了院長和管事之間的對話，當場興高采烈的這樣子對自己說：「一把我擺進這兒來，你們就知道我會做出前無古人的園藝出來。」

所以管事要他在園圃裡工作，發現他很在行，就打着手勢問他肯不肯留下來；他也用手勢回答，表示他願意遵照管事的心意。於是管事讓他知道他被雇用了，叫他照料園圃，又指點了他該做的事。然後，管事就出去料理其他的事務，讓他留在那裡。

馬塞托在園圃裡工作了幾天，修女們就開始逗弄他，拿他當笑柄(像一般人對待啞子聾子那樣)，對他說了許多放肆粗野的話，就當他聽不懂。院長對這情形也不怎麼理會，也許她認為沒有話語的男人連陽剛氣也沒有了。

事情是這麼進展的；當他辛苦了一整天，正休息一下的時候，兩個年青的修女在花園裡散步，走近他躺着的地方，停下來端詳他，他也假裝是睡著了。當中那個膽子大的對另一個說：「要是你肯保守秘密，我就告訴妳我暗想了一陣子的事，妳或許也同意我的說法。」

另一個答道：「放心的說，我決不告訴別人。」

於是那大膽的就說：「我不知道你是否想過，我們住在這裡，等於是被關禁閉，除了那個老管事和這個啞巴外，沒有一個男人敢闖進來；我經常聽到那些來過這兒的淑女們說，所有甜蜜的樂趣，要是跟女人與男人結合的那種樂趣比起來，簡直算不了什麼。所以我心裡頭有好幾次想跟這個啞巴試看看，因為再也沒有其他的男人了。而且，他的確是全世界再也找不到的，想想看，他就是想講我們的壞話，也說不出來；你看，他只是個傻呼呼的，腦子不多，四肢倒是挺發達的；我真想聽聽妳的意見。」

「哎唷！」另一個回答，「你這說的是什麼話呀？難道你忘了我們已經發過誓要把童貞獻給上帝嗎？」

「啊，」第一個回答，「想想看，有多少人每天在上帝面前發下多少誓言，從來就沒有一個做到；至於我們的誓言，讓上帝去找別人做吧。」

「不過，」她的同伴回答，「假設我們有了身孕，要怎麼辦？」

「別說不過了，」第一個火大了，「魔鬼沒來，你總要先想到牠！妳呀，等事到臨頭，再想也不遲；不讓人知道，方法多的是，只要我們自個兒不講出去就得了。」

這麼一再保證，現在那第二位修女，甚至比她的同伴更急于試探雄性人類動物的特質。

「好吧，」她說，「我們該怎麼進行呢？」

回答說：「你看，現在都沒人過來；我相信除了我們，其他的姐妹們全都睡著了，讓我們先在園圃裡走一遭，看看還有別的人沒有，要是沒有人，我們只要拉着他的手，把他帶到他避雨的那個小屋子裡就得了。我們一個跟他進去，一個在外邊望風。他的頭腦簡單，他只會照著我們的指示去做。」

馬塞托隻字不漏的聽到了整個對話，他可真是樂於從命，只等一位修女來拉他一把就成了。同時，她們仔細的把她們的四周察看了一遍，認為沒人會看到，自己也放心了；於是那出主意的姑娘走到馬塞托身邊，把他搖醒；他應聲而起。這樣子，她牽着他的手，做出一副媚態；他也回應出小丑般的咧嘴一笑。

然後她領着他進了小屋，他不需任何調教就滿足了她的慾望。等她辦完事，基於忠誠的戰友情誼，她和同伴交換位置。至於馬塞托依舊裝無知，由着她們做樂。因此在她們離去前，每個人還要再檢測一下這個啞巴的馬上功力；事後，她們一再的談起這件事，一致認為，實際上這回事比她們所了解的還要有更多的樂趣；所以，一逮到了機會，她們就繼續去找那個啞巴廝混。

有一次，湊巧她們之間的一個多嘴婆修女，從她的房間窗子望去，看到了她們在幹那事，就叫另兩個來看。三個人商議是否要去院長那兒告發，檢舉犯規的人；不過馬上就改變她們的心意，跟那夥人取得諒解，讓她們成為享用馬塞托的夥伴。當然時日一久，潛水的總會摸到魚，剩下的那三個修女也入夥了。

最後，就只剩院長還不曉得這些事。湊巧有一個大熱天，她獨自在花園裡散步，看見馬塞托正睡在杏樹底下。他因為夜夜操勞，弄得日間稍為勞動一下，就感到疲乏，所以就擺平地睡在樹蔭下。因為一陣風吹來，吹亂了他的衣服，他的那個東西居然整個的暴露在前面。那女院長獨自一人，不覺看得出神，就像以前她那些修女們一樣動了凡心，也成了性慾的掠物；她把馬塞托叫醒，把他帶到自己的房裡，待了好幾天不出來，雖然修女們大聲抱怨，說園丁不再來照顧園圃，但她還是把他擺在房裡，從前她第一個要去譴責別人縱慾的那種甜蜜，現在她可要再三的品嘗。

到最後，她才把他從自己的房間放回他的房間去；可是她一有需要就一再的把他叫去，這種過度的需求，使得馬塞托無法滿足這麼多的女人。他想，要是繼續扮演啞巴的角色，可能會招致慘痛的後果。所以有一夜和院長在一起的時候，這個啞巴忽然開口說起話來：

「院長，我知道一隻公雞或許可以好好的滿足十隻母雞，可是十個男人拼命還不能滿足一個女人。而我一個人卻要對付九個女人，這負擔遠超過我能力所能忍受的。依我目前的遭遇，我已經是精疲力盡。要不就放我走，祝我一帆風順，要不就得想個可以撐得下去的辦法！」

院長聽見啞巴講話，真是大吃一驚，她嚷道：「這是怎麼一回事？我以為你是個啞巴呀！」

「說真的，院長，」馬塞托說，“我以前是個啞巴，但不是天生就啞的，只因為有一次害了一場重病，才忽然不會發聲；只是今晚我痊癒了，所以我衷心的感謝上帝！」

院長相信他，接著問他方才說要應付九個女人，這話是什麼意思？馬塞托把實情全告訴了她，她這才知道她手下的每個修女都非省油的燈，個個比她聰明。現在假如把馬塞托資遣走了，修道院不免要名聲受損，她決定要和修女們謹慎的安排好事情，使得他可以留下來。

所以過後幾天，等管事去世了，她召集所有的修女，在會中，大家一起招認了過去所有的犯錯，她們一致決定，也得到馬塞托的同意，對四鄰宣稱因著她們的禱告和監護聖徒的恩典，喑啞多年的馬塞托，已經恢復說話的機能。然後再任命他為管事，同時也在她們自己之間訂定有秩序的事務，使得他能承受得了對她們服務的負擔。

在這個過往裡，雖然他替院裡生了不少的小修道士，不過一切都安排得十分周密，從未攪出任何醜聞。直到院長死了，那時馬塞托年紀已大，又積了些錢，想告老返鄉，事情才傳開去；這正好成全了他的心意，這是他求之不得的。

******

Masetto da Lamporecchio feigns to be dumb, and obtains a gardener's place at a convent of women, who with one accord make haste to lie with him.

Fairest ladies, not a few there are both of men and of women, who are so foolish as blindly to believe that, so soon as a young woman has been veiled in white and cowled in black, she ceases to be a woman, and is no more subject to the cravings proper to her sex, than if, in assuming the garb and profession of a nun, she had put on the nature of a stone: and if, perchance, they hear of aught that is counter to this their faith, they are no less vehement in their censure than if some most heinous and unnatural crime had been committed; neither bethinking them of themselves, whom unrestricted liberty avails not to satisfy, nor making due allowance for the prepotent forces of idleness and solitude. And likewise not a few there are that blindly believe that, what with the hoe and the spade and coarse fare and hardship, the carnal propensities are utterly eradicated from the tillers of the soil, and therewith all nimbleness of wit and understanding. But how gross is the error of such as so suppose, I, on whom the queen has laid her commands, am minded, without deviating from the theme prescribed by her, to make manifest to you by a little story.

In this very country-side of ours there was and yet is a convent of women of great repute for sanctity--name it I will not, lest I should in some measure diminish its repute--the nuns being at the time of which I speak but nine in number, including the abbess, and all young women. Their very beautiful garden was in charge of a foolish fellow, who, not being content with his wage, squared accounts with their steward and hied him back to Lamporecchio, whence he came. Among others who welcomed him home was a young husbandman, Masetto by name, a stout and hardy fellow, and handsome for a contadino, who asked him where he had been so long. Nuto, as our good friend was called, told him. Masetto then asked how he had been employed at the convent, and Nuto answered:--"I kept their large and beautiful garden in good trim, and, besides, I sometimes went to the wood to fetch the faggots, I drew water, and did some other trifling services; but the ladies gave so little wage that it scarce kept me in shoes. And moreover they are all young, and, I think, they are one and all possessed of the devil, for 'tis impossible to do anything to their mind; indeed, when I would be at work in the kitchen-garden, 'put this here,' would say one, 'put that here,' would say another, and a third would snatch the hoe from my hand, and say, 'that is not as it should be'; and so they would worry me until I would give up working and go out of the garden; so that, what with this thing and that, I was minded to stay there no more, and so I am come hither. The steward asked me before I left to send him any one whom on my return I might find fit for the work, and I promised; but God bless his loins, I shall be at no pains to find out and send him any one."

As Nuto thus ran on, Masetto was seized by such a desire to be with these nuns that he quite pined, as he gathered from what Nuto said that his desire might be gratified. And as that could not be, if he said nothing to Nuto, he remarked: “ Ah! 'twas well done of thee to come hither. A man to live with women! he might as well live with so many devils: six times out of seven they know not themselves what they want. ” There the conversation ended; but Masetto began to cast about how he should proceed to get permission to live with them. He knew that he was quite competent for the services of which Nuto spoke, and had therefore no fear of failing on that score; but he doubted he should not be received, because he was too young and well-favoured. So, after much pondering, he fell into the following train of thought: The place is a long way off, and no one there knows me; if I make believe that I am dumb, doubtless I shall be admitted. Whereupon he made his mind up, laid a hatchet across his shoulder, and saying not a word to any of his destination, set forth, intending to present himself at the convent in the character of a destitute man. Arrived there, he had no sooner entered than he chanced to encounter the steward in the courtyard, and making signs to him as dumb folk do, he let him know that of his charity he craved something to eat, and that, if need were, he would split firewood. The steward promptly gave him to eat, and then set before him some logs which Nuto had not been able to split, all which Masetto, who was very strong, split in a very short time. The steward, having occasion to go to the wood, took him with him, and there set him at work on the lopping; which done he placed the ass in front of him, and by signs made him understand that he was to take the loppings back to the convent. This he did so well that the steward kept him for some days to do one or two odd jobs. Whereby it so befell that one day the abbess saw him, and asked the steward who he was. "Madam," replied the steward, "'tis a poor deaf mute that came here a day or two ago craving alms, so I have treated him kindly, and have let him make himself useful in many ways. If he knew how to do the work of the kitchen-garden and would stay with us, I doubt not we should be well served; for we have need of him, and he is strong, and would be able for whatever he might turn his hand to; besides which you would have no cause to be apprehensive lest he should be cracking his jokes with your young women." "As I trust in God," said the abbess, "thou sayst sooth; find out if he can do the garden work, and if he can, do all thou canst to keep him with us; give him a pair of shoes, an old hood, and speak him well, make much of him, and let him be well fed." All which the steward promised to do.

Masetto, meanwhile, was close at hand, making as if he were sweeping the courtyard, and heard all that passed between the abbess and the steward, whereat he gleefully communed with himself on this wise:--Put me once within there, and you will see that I will do the work of the kitchen-garden as it never was done before. So the steward set him to work in the kitchen-garden, and finding that he knew his business excellently well, made signs to him to know whether he would stay, and he made answer by signs that he was ready to do whatever the steward wished. The steward then signified that he was engaged, told him to take charge of the kitchen-garden, and shewed him what he had to do there. Then, having other matters to attend to, he went away, and left him there. Now, as Masetto worked there day by day, the nuns began to tease him, and make him their butt (as it commonly happens that folk serve the dumb) and used bad language to him, the worst they could think of, supposing that he could not understand them, all which passed scarce heeded by the abbess, who perhaps deemed him as destitute of virility as of speech. Now it so befell that after a hard day's work he was taking a little rest, when two young nuns, who were walking in the garden, approached the spot where he lay, and stopped to look at him, while he pretended to be asleep. And so the bolder of the two said to the other:--"If I thought thou wouldst keep the secret, I would tell thee what I have sometimes meditated, and which thou perhaps mightest also find agreeable." The other replied:--"Speak thy mind freely and be sure that I will never tell a soul." Whereupon the bold one began:--"I know not if thou hast ever considered how close we are kept here, and that within these precincts dare never enter any man, unless it be the old steward or this mute: and I have often heard from ladies that have come hither, that all the other sweets that the world has to offer signify not a jot in comparison of the pleasure that a woman has in connexion with a man. Whereof I have more than once been minded to make experiment with this mute, no other man being available. Nor, indeed, could one find any man in the whole world so meet therefor; seeing that he could not blab if he would; thou seest that he is but a dull clownish lad, whose size has increased out of all proportion to his sense; wherefore I would fain hear what thou hast to say to it." "Alas!" said the other, "what is't thou sayst? Knowest thou not that we have vowed our virginity to God?" "Oh," rejoined the first, "think but how many vows are made to Him all day long, and never a one performed: and so, for our vow, let Him find another or others to perform it." "But," said her companion, "suppose that we conceived, how then?" "Nay but," protested the first, "thou goest about to imagine evil before it befalls, thee: time enough to think of that when it comes to pass; there will be a thousand ways to prevent its ever being known, so only we do not publish it ourselves." Thus reassured, the other was now the more eager of the two to test the quality of the male human animal. "Well then," she said, "how shall we go about it?" and was answered:--"Thou seest 'tis past none; I make no doubt but all the sisters are asleep, except ourselves; search we through the kitchen-garden, to see if there be any there, and if there be none, we have but to take him by the hand and lead him hither to the hut where he takes shelter from the rain; and then one shall mount guard while the other has him with her inside. He is such a simpleton that he will do just whatever we bid him." No word of this conversation escaped Masetto, who, being disposed to obey, hoped for nothing so much as that one of them should take him by the hand. They, meanwhile, looked carefully all about them, and satisfied themselves that they were secure from observation: then she that had broached the subject came close up to Masetto, and shook him; whereupon he started to his feet. So she took him by the hand with a blandishing air, to which he replied with some clownish grins. And then she led him into the hut, where he needed no pressing to do what she desired of him. Which done, she changed places with the other, as loyal comradeship required; and Masetto, still keeping up the pretence of simplicity, did their pleasure. Wherefore before they left, each must needs make another assay of the mute's powers of riding; and afterwards, talking the matter over many times, they agreed that it was in truth not less but even more delightful than they had been given to understand; and so, as they found convenient opportunity, they continued to go and disport themselves with the mute.

Now it so chanced that one of their gossips, looking out of the window of her cell, saw what they did, and imparted it to two others. The three held counsel together whether they should not denounce the offenders to the abbess, but soon changed their mind, and came to an understanding with them, whereby they became partners in Masetto. And in course of time by divers chances the remaining three nuns also entered the partnership. Last of all the abbess, still witting nought of these doings, happened one very hot day, as she walked by herself through the garden, to find Masetto, who now rode so much by night that he could stand very little fatigue by day, stretched at full length asleep under the shade of an almond-tree, his person quite exposed in front by reason that the wind had disarranged his clothes. Which the lady observing, and knowing that she was alone, fell a prey to the same appetite to which her nuns had yielded: she aroused Masetto, and took him with her to her chamber, where, for some days, though the nuns loudly complained that the gardener no longer came to work in the kitchen-garden, she kept him, tasting and re-tasting the sweetness of that indulgence which she was wont to be the first to censure in others. And when at last she had sent him back from her chamber to his room, she must needs send for him again and again, and made such exorbitant demands upon him, that Masetto, not being able to satisfy so many women, bethought him that his part of mute, should he persist in it, might entail disastrous consequences. So one night, when he was with the abbess, he cut the tongue-string, and thus broke silence:--"Madam, I have understood that a cock may very well serve ten hens, but that ten men are sorely tasked to satisfy a single woman; and here am I expected to serve nine, a burden quite beyond my power to bear; nay, by what I have already undergone I am now so reduced that my strength is quite spent; wherefore either bid me Godspeed, or find some means to make matters tolerable." Wonder-struck to hear the supposed mute thus speak, the lady exclaimed:--"What means this? I took thee to be dumb." "And in sooth, Madam, so was I," said Masetto, "not indeed from my birth, but through an illness which took from me the power of speech, which only this very night have I recovered; and so I praise God with all my heart." The lady believed him; and asked him what he meant by saying that he had nine to serve. Masetto told her how things stood; whereby she perceived that of all her nuns there was not any but was much wiser than she; and lest, if Masetto were sent away, he should give the convent a bad name, she discreetly determined to arrange matters with the nuns in such sort that he might remain there. So, the steward having died within the last few days, she assembled all the nuns; and their and her own past errors being fully avowed, they by common consent, and with Masetto's concurrence, resolved that the neighbours should be given to understand that by their prayers and the merits of their patron saint, Masetto, long mute, had recovered the power of speech; after which they made him steward, and so ordered matters among themselves that he was able to endure the burden of their service. In the course of which, though he procreated not a few little monastics, yet 'twas all managed so discreetly that no breath of scandal stirred, until after the abbess's death, by which time Masetto was advanced in years and minded to return home with the wealth that he had gotten; which he was suffered to do, as soon as he made his desire known. And so Masetto, who had left Lamporecchio with a hatchet on his shoulder, returned thither in his old age rich and a father, having by the wisdom with which he employed his youth, spared himself the pains and expense of rearing children, and averring that such was the measure that Christ meted out to the man that set horns on his cap.