C. S. Lewis
1943
Bill Lin譯
Book III. Christian Behavior
今天我要講的是基督徒的道德觀和所有其他的道德觀最不一樣的部分。
有一種世人無一能倖免的惡行，當每個人在別人的身上看到它時，都感到噁心；對於這一點，除了基督徒以外，幾乎沒有人能想像到，他們自己也犯了同樣的毛病。
我聽過人們承認他們的壞脾氣，見到女人或喝了酒就失掉理智，或承認他們是個懦夫。但我從未聽過一個非基督徒承認自己也犯了這個惡行。同時我也很少見到任何一位非基督徒，在別人也犯這樣的惡行時，會表現一絲絲的寬容。沒有其他的過錯會使一個人更不受歡迎，也沒有其他的過錯會使一個人更不自覺。我們自己越是如此，越討厭別人如此。
我正在談的這個惡行就是驕傲，或叫做自負；它的反面的美德，在基督徒的道德觀裡，叫做謙卑。
你們或許還記得，當我談到性的道德觀時，我告訴過你們，基督徒道德觀的核心不在那裡。現在我們已經來到了這核心點。根據基督徒教師們的說法，最重大、最極至的惡行就是驕傲。
不貞、憤怒、貪婪、醉酒等等，和驕傲一比，只能算是跳蚤的叮咬；魔鬼之所以為魔鬼，就是因著驕傲；驕傲會引起任一種其他的惡行；它是完全敵對神的心態。
你認為這個說法言過其實嗎？仔細的想一想。我方才提到，越是驕傲的人，越受不了別人的驕傲。事實上，假如你想知道自己有多驕傲，最簡單的就是問問你自己：「當別人怠慢我，忽視我，搶我的話題，小看我，或在我面前炫耀時，我有多難過？」這個癥結在於：每個人的驕傲，都在和別人的驕傲爭長短。我要場子裡的人都聽到我的聲音，所以我很惱怒別人的大聲；同行相忌，正是如此。
現在，你們需要弄清楚的就是：驕傲實質上就是爭競─爭競就是它的本質─而其他的罪惡可以說只是有些爭競性。驕傲不會因為有些好處而高興，只有在比另一個人得到更多的時候才會滿足。
我們說人們因為富有，聰明或好看而感到驕傲，其實並不然；他們是因為比別人更有錢、更聰明或更好看才引以為榮。假如每個人都變得同樣的有錢、聰明、好看，就沒什麼值得驕傲的了。
就是這個比高下使你驕傲：在眾人之上而使你感到高興。這個比高下的因素一旦消失，驕傲感就沒了。這就是為何我說驕傲實質上就是爭競，而其他的惡行卻不是如此。假如兩個男人同時喜歡上一位女子，性衝動可能會使他們來比個高下；但那只是湊巧的；他們也有可能各自喜歡不同的女人。但是一個驕傲的男人要來搶走你的女友，並不是因為他要擁有她，只是要證明他是個比你優越的男人。
假若資源不足，貪婪或許會使人相爭；但是一個驕傲的人，甚至當他擁有遠超過他所需要的，還要繼續搜括，就是要聲稱他的權力。幾乎所有那些世上歸罪到貪婪或自私的邪惡，絕大部分真正是出自於驕傲。
拿金錢來做例子：為了要有一棟更好的房子，更休閒的渡假，吃喝得更好，貪婪當然會使一個人愛錢，但是有個限度。到底是甚麼原因，會使一個年入£10,000的人，汲汲營營的要賺£20,000？不是要過得更舒適的貪婪，年入£10,000已經足夠使一個人享受到各樣的奢華；而是驕傲──希望比其他的富翁更有錢，有更大的權力。當然，因為權力才是驕傲真正引以為榮的；當他可以把人像玩具兵般的任意擺弄時，沒有別的會使他覺得更優越了。
什麼原因使得一個漂亮的女郎，到處招蜂引蝶，惹事生非？當然不是她的性本能；那種女人經常是性冷感的；就是驕傲。
什麼原因使得一個政客或一個國家需索無度，不能自止？還是驕傲。
歸根究底，驕傲的本質就是爭競；這就是為什麼它會一直繼續下去。假若我是個驕傲的人，只要世上有個人比我有權、或有錢、或更聰明，他就是我的對手，也是我的敵人。
基督徒的看法是對的；有史以來，每個國家、每個家庭的苦難的主要緣由都是因著驕傲。其他的罪惡有時會把人們團結一起；在一群酒徒或無操守的惡棍之中，你或許還可找到好的交誼、笑料和友情；但是驕傲總是意味著敵意─就是敵意。而且不只是人敵對人‧而且敵對神。
你要去對抗的神，祂在每一個方面都是無法測度的遠高過我們；除非你是如此的認識神─所以一比起來，自己是微不足道─或者你根本就不認識神。只要你是驕傲的，你就無法認識神。一個驕傲的人總是看不起人或別的事物；當然，只要你一直往下看，你不可能見到高過於你的東西。
這就引起了一個蠻恐怖的問題：那些很明顯地被驕傲所吞沒的人，怎麼可能說他們信神而且他們自己還表現得很敬虔的樣子？我怕他們是在崇拜一個假想的神。理論上他們自認在這個假神面前非常渺小，但實際上，他們認為這個神認同他們，認為他們遠比一般人更好；換言之，他們給假神價值1分錢的謙遜，而換來了對弟兄姊妹們價值1英鎊的驕傲。
我想，當耶穌基督談到有些人藉祂的名傳道，奉祂的名趕鬼，卻落得到了世界終了時，耶穌卻從不認識他們，指的就是那些人。而且我們之中的任何人，可能隨時會掉進這個死亡的陷阱。
很幸運的，我們有個試探，每當我們發現我們的宗教生活，正在使我們覺得很好─尤其是，我們比其他的人更好。我想，我們或許可以確認我們正在被預備，不是被神，卻是被魔鬼所裝備。在神面前的真正的試探要不是完全忘記自我，就是見到自我像個渺小污穢的東西。最好是完全忘記了自我的存在。
這是個很恐怖的事情，所有罪惡裡最糟糕透頂的，居然能夠自我潛伏在我們的宗教生活中。但是你們能夠看出這個緣由；其他的，沒那麼壞的罪惡，是出自於魔鬼經由我們的動物本性在我們身上作工。但是這個驕傲一點都不是出自我們的動物本性，它直接來自地獄。它是百分之一百屬靈的；所以它是更加的難以捉摸和更加的致命。
基於相同的理由，驕傲經常可以用來打敗單純一點的罪惡。事實上，老師們經常喚起一個男孩子的驕傲，或者稱呼為他的自尊心，來使他行為端正；許多人克服懦弱、情慾、或壞脾氣，是藉著聯想到這些事情是有損他的尊嚴─就是藉著驕傲。
魔鬼笑了。他十分滿意的看到你們變得有所不為，而且勇敢又有自制，只要無時無刻總管一切的是牠設定在你裡面的驕傲─正如牠會很滿意的讓你的凍瘡痊癒，換來的是讓你得到癌症。因為驕傲是屬靈的癌症：它吞食掉所有可能的愛，或知足，甚至常理知識。
在還沒離開這個主題之前，我必須防範一些可能存在的誤解：
(1) 被讚美而感到喜悅並不是驕傲。
被大人拍拍背，嘉許做好功課的孩童；被戀人讚揚美貌的婦人；被耶穌基督稱讚說：「做得好，」的得救的人，他們高興，而且也應該如此。因為這裡的高興並不是基於你如何如何，而是事實上你已經取悅了你要(而且是正正當當地要)取悅的那個人。
當你從“太好了，我已經取悅他了”的念頭，轉到“能做到這一點，我真了不起”，麻煩就開始了。你喜歡自己越是多一點，你對讚美的愉悅就少一點，你也越來越糟糕。當你喜歡自己到了100分，而且對於讚美毫不在乎時，你已經探底了。
這就是為什麼“虛榮心”，雖然也是一種大半出於表面的驕傲，實際上是最沒那麼壞而且最可原諒的。虛浮的人需要太多的讚美、掌聲、仰慕而且總是沽名釣譽；它是一種過錯，但只是一種幼稚甚至(在一個奇怪的情況下)是一個謙虛的過錯。它顯示出你還沒完全滿足對自己的嘉許；你高估其他人而需要得到他們的肯定；事實上，你還是個人。
那真正黑暗、毒辣的驕傲來自於過度的藐視別人，以致於不在乎他們對你的看法；當然，不要太在乎人們對我們的看法是很對的，而且經常是我們的職責，假如我們這樣子做是基於正確的理由；換句話說：是因為我們無比的在乎神的看法。但是驕傲的人的不在乎，有另類的理由，他說：「為何我要在乎這些賤民的掌聲，彷彿他們的意見還有什麼價值似的？就算他們的意見有點價值，我這樣的大男人，難道還要為了一點恭維而臉紅高興，像那些被第一次邀舞的小女孩一樣？不，我有完整成熟的性格，我只做滿足自己理想的事，或符合我的藝術良知，或我的家庭傳統，或是這麼說：我是個有頭有臉的人物。假如這些人喜歡，就讓他們喜歡吧！我看不在眼裡。」像這個樣子，真正全套的驕傲，有可能被當成是虛榮心看待。我們必須看破虛榮，但我們一定不可以藉著喚醒我們的驕傲來治療我們的虛榮心；燒紅的鍋子要比失火的房子好一點。
(2) 我們說一個人為他的兒子感到“驕傲”，或為他的父親，或為他的學校，或為他的軍團；我們可能問：「這裡的“驕傲”是否也是罪？」我認為它完全是根據“引以為驕傲”的意思而來。很有可能，在這句話裡，“引以為驕傲”是“熱心的贊許”的意思，根本不是罪；不過也有可能，這個人是藉著他的顯赫的父親，或他是屬於那個著名的軍團，而自我膨脹；這樣很明顯的是個過錯，甚至如此，它還是比以己為榮要好多了。喜愛而且羨慕與己無關的事物，會使自己一步步的離開那絕對的屬靈廢墟；但是只要我們喜愛羨慕任何東西，高過我們喜愛羨慕神，我們還稱不上是良好。
(3) 我們不可以認為神不許人驕傲是因為祂被人的驕傲冒犯了，或是為了祂自己的尊嚴，祂要求人要謙卑─彷彿神自己是驕傲的。祂決不憂慮自己的尊嚴；關鍵是，祂要你認識祂；祂要把自己賜給你，使祂和你能合而為一，假如你真的能和祂有任一種的接觸的話，事實上，你會很謙卑─欣喜的謙卑，感覺到整個去掉了無止境折磨你一輩子不快樂的愚蠢無意義的自尊以後的無限的解脫；祂要你謙卑，目的在使這個解脫的時刻得以到來；試著將一大堆愚蠢、醜陋、幻想的衣裝脫下，那些我們自己找來的裝扮，使我們自我膨脹，像個扯高氣揚的二百五。
我希望我可以更深入的理解謙卑；假如有的話，我或許可以多告訴你們有關解脫，那種脫掉幻想的衣裝，拋棄虛假的自我，還有那些“看我！看我！”“我不是個好男孩嗎？”和所有的姿態和裝模作樣以後的舒適；甚至只要能夠接近這種境地，甚至只有片刻，就像一杯涼水所帶給一個在沙漠中的人的舒適。
(4) 假如你碰到了一個真正謙卑的人，不要以為他會像現今大多數人所謂的“謙卑”；他不會是那種油滑，滿口奉承，經常告訴你，他不算什麼的人。或許你所能想到的：他看來像是一個很愉快，聰明的傢伙，他留心你對他講的話；假如你會不喜歡他，應該是，因為你對一個好像很輕鬆如意過日子的人，有些微的感到不是味道。他不把謙卑放在心上；他也絕不把自己放在心上。
假如有人想要博取謙卑的美名，我想我可以告訴他那第一步：就是要先意識到自己是驕傲的；這也是最大的一步。無論如何，在沒有意識到自我的驕傲之前，什麼都甭想達成。假如你不認為你自高自大，這表示你實在很自負。
Today I
come to that part of Christian morals where they differ most sharply from all
other morals. There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which
every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any
people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have
heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their
heads about girls or drink, or even that they are cowards. I do not think I
have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice. And
at the same time I have very seldom met anyone, who was not a Christian, who
showed the slightest mercy to it in others. There is no fault which makes a man
more unpopular, and no fault which We are more unconscious of in ourselves. And
the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.
The vice I
am talking of is Pride or Self-Conceit: and the virtue opposite to it, in
Christian morals, is called Humility. You may remember, when I was talking
about sexual morality, I warned you that the centre of Christian morals did not
lie there. Well, now, we have come to the centre. According to Christian
teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. Unchastity, anger,
greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere flea bites in comparison: it was
through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice:
it is the complete anti-God state of mind.
Does this
seem to you exaggerated? If so, think it over. I pointed out a moment ago that
the more pride one had, the more one disliked pride in others. In fact, if you
want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself,
"How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of
me, or shove their oar in, or patronize me, or show off?" The point is that each person's pride is in
competition with every one else's pride. It is because I wanted to be the big
noise at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big noise.
Two of a trade never agree. Now what you want to get clear is that Pride is
essentially competitive-is competitive by its very nature-while the other vices
are competitive only, so to speak, by accident. Pride gets no pleasure out of
having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that
people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or
cleverer, or better-looking than others. If every one else became equally rich,
or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the
pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone,
pride has gone. That is why I say that Pride is essentially competitive in a
way the other vices are not. The sexual impulse may drive two men into
competition if they both want the same girl. But that is only by accident; they might just as
likely have wanted two different girls. But a proud man will take your girl
from you, not because he wants her, but just to prove to himself that he is a
better man than you. Greed may drive men into competition if there is not
enough to go round; but the proud man, even when he has got more than he can
possibly want, will try to get still more just to assert his power. Nearly all
those evils in the world which people put down to greed or selfishness are
really far more the result of Pride.
Take it
with money. Greed will certainly make a man want money, for the sake of a
better house, better holidays, better things to eat and drink, but only up to a point. What is it dial makes a man with £10,000 a year
anxious to get £20,000 a year? It is not the greed for more pleasure. £10,000
will give all the luxuries that any man can really enjoy. It is Pride-the wish
to be richer than some other rich man, and (still more) the wish for power.
For, of course, power is what Pride really enjoys: there is nothing makes a man
feel so superior to others as being able to move them about like toy soldiers.
What makes a pretty girl spread misery wherever she goes by collecting
admirers? Certainly not her sexual instinct: that kind of girl is quite often
sexually frigid. It is Pride. What is it that makes a political leader or a
whole nation go on and on, demanding more and more? Pride again. Pride is
competitive by its very nature: that is why it goes on and on. If I am a proud
man, then, as long as there is one man in the whole world more powerful, or
richer, or cleverer than I, he is my rival and my enemy.
The
Christians are right: it is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in
every nation and every family since the world began. Other vices may sometimes
bring people together: you may find good fellowship and jokes and friendliness
among drunken people or unchaste people. But Pride always means enmity - it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and
man, but enmity to God.
In God you
come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to
yourself. Unless you know God as that-and, therefore, know yourself as nothing
in comparison - you do not
know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is
always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are
looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.
That raises
a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up
with Pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious?
I am afraid it means they are worshipping an imaginary God. They theoretically
admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are
really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks them far
better than ordinary people: that is, they pay a pennyworth of imaginary
humility to Him and get out of it a pound's worth of Pride towards their
fellow-men. I suppose it was of those people Christ was thinking when He said
that some would preach about Him and cast out devils in His name, only to be
told at the end of the world that He had never known them. And any of us may at
any moment be in this death-trap. Luckily, we have a test whenever we find that our religious
life is making us feel that we are good-above all, that we are better than
someone else. I think we may
be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the
presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see
yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself
altogether.
It is a
terrible thing that the worst of all the vices can smuggle itself into the very
centre of our religious life. But you can see why. The other, and less bad,
vices come from the devil working on us through our animal nature. But this
does not come through our animal nature at all. It comes direct from Hell. It is
purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly. For the same
reason, Pride can often be used to beat down the simpler vices. Teachers, in
fact, often appeal to a boy's Pride, or, as they call it, his self-respect, to
make him behave decently: many a man has overcome cowardice, or lust, or
ill-temper by learning to think that they are beneath his dignity-that is, by
Pride. The devil laughs. He is perfectly content to see you becoming chaste and
brave and self-controlled provided, all the time, he is setting up in you the
Dictatorship of Pride-just as he would be quite content to see your chilblains
cured if he was allowed, in return, to give you cancer. For Pride is spiritual
cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common
sense.
Before
leaving this subject I must guard against some possible misunderstandings:
(1)
Pleasure in being praised is not Pride. The child who is patted on the back for
doing a lesson well, the woman whose beauty is praised by her lover, the saved
soul to whom Christ says "Well done," are pleased and ought to be.
For here the pleasure lies not in what you are but in the fact that you have
pleased someone you wanted (and rightly wanted) to please. The trouble begins
when you pass from thinking, "I have pleased him; all is well," to
thinking, "What a fine person I must be to have done it." The more
you delight in yourself and the less you delight in the praise, the worse you
are becoming. When you delight wholly in yourself and do not care about the
praise at all, you have reached the bottom. That is why vanity, though it is
the sort of Pride which shows most on the surface, is really the least bad and
most pardonable sort. The vain person wants praise, applause, admiration, too
much and is always angling for it. It is a fault, but a childlike and even (in
an odd way) a humble fault. It shows that you are not yet completely contented
with your own admiration. You value other people enough to want them to look at
you. You are, in fact, still human. The real black, diabolical Pride comes when
you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you. Of
course, it is very right, and often our duty, not to care what people think of
us, if we do so for the right reason; namely, because we care so incomparably
more what God thinks. But the Proud man has a different reason for not caring.
He says "Why should I care for the applause of that rabble as if their
opinion were worth anything? And even if their opinions were of value, am I the
sort of man to blush with pleasure at a compliment like some chit of a girl at
her first dance? No, I am an integrated, adult personality. All I have done has
been done to satisfy my own ideals, or my artistic conscience, or the traditions of my family, or, in a word, because I'm That Kind of Chap.
If the mob like it, let them. They're nothing to me." In this way real
thoroughgoing Pride may act as a check on vanity; for, as I said a moment ago,
the devil loves "curing" a small fault by giving you a great one. We
must try not to be vain, but we must never call in our Pride to cure our
vanity; better the frying-pan than the fire.
(2) We say
in English that a man is "proud" of his son, or his father, or his
school, or regiment, and it may be asked whether "pride" in this
sense is a sin. I think it depends on what, exactly, we mean by "proud
of." Very often, in such sentences, the phrase "is proud of"
means "has a warm-hearted admiration for." Such an admiration is, of
course, very far from being a sin. But it might, perhaps, mean that the person
in question gives himself airs on the ground of his distinguished father, or
because he belongs to a famous regiment. This would, clearly, be a fault; but
even then, it would be better than being proud simply of himself. To love and
admire anything outside yourself is to take one step away from utter spiritual
ruin; though we shall not be well so long as we love and admire anything more
than we love and admire God.
(3) We must
not think Pride is something God forbids because He is offended at it, or that
Humility is something He demands as due to His own dignity - as if God Himself was proud. He is not in the least worried
about His dignity. The point is, He wants you to know Him; wants to give you
Himself. And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get
into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble-delightedly
humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly
nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all
your life. He is trying to make you humble in order to make this moment
possible: trying to take off a lot of silly, ugly, fancy-dress in which we have
all got ourselves up and are strutting about like the little idiots we are. I
wish I had got a bit further with humility myself: if I had, I could probably
tell you more about the relief, the comfort, of taking the fancy-dress
off-getting rid of the false self, with all its "Look at me" and
"Aren't I a good boy?" and all its posing and posturing. To get even
near it, even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert.
(4) Do not imagine that if you meet a really
humble man he will be what most people call "humble" nowadays: he
will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of
course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a
cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If
you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who
seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will
not be thinking about himself at all.
If anyone
would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The
first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least,
nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it
means you are very conceited indeed.
