人性的枷鎖(4)

人性的枷鎖OF HUMAN BONDAGE

BY W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM毛姆

1915

中譯Bill Lin

第4章 適應

菲利浦同艾瑪分手時還淚流不止，但是往布萊克斯泰勃的旅途使他感到很新奇，等他們到了目的地，他已適應愉快了。布萊克斯泰勃離倫敦有六十哩。凱里先生把行李交給搬運工，同菲利浦一起往教區牧師樓走去；五分多鐘就到了，菲利浦馬上認得那扇大門。那是個紅色有五根欄柵的柵門：門的樞紐設計使它能輕易的裡外開闔，可以攀吊在柵門上前後擺動，但是不可以這樣子玩。

他們穿過花園來到正門。正門只有在客人來訪，或星期日，或特殊場合，正如牧師上去倫敦或回來時，才可使用。平時家裡進出都走邊門；還有一扇後門給園丁、乞丐和流浪漢使用。這是一幢很大的黃磚紅頂樓房，大約是在二十五年前蓋成有傳教士風格的建築物。正門像教堂的門廊，客廳的窗子是哥德式的。

凱里太太知道他們會搭乘哪班火車，所以在客廳裡等著，注意聽著開柵門的咔噠聲。她一聽到聲響，就去應門。

「那是路易莎伯母，」凱里先生瞧見凱里太太時對菲利浦說，「快去親她一下。」

菲利浦憋扭地拖著他那條瘸腿跑起來，跑了幾步後就停下來。凱里太太是個瘦小、乾癟的婦人，和她的丈夫同年，有個少見的佈滿深皺紋的臉，淡藍的眼睛。她的灰白頭髮，依舊是梳成她年輕時流行的一絡絡的小髮捲。她穿了件黑衣服，唯一的裝飾是條金鏈子，繫著一枚十字架。她神態羞怯，說話柔聲細氣。

「走路來的嗎，威廉？」她一邊親著丈夫，一邊帶著像是責備的口吻說。

「我可沒想到這點，」他回答說，看了他侄兒一眼。

「你走了腳疼不疼，菲利浦？」她問孩子。

「不疼。我都是用走的。」

菲利浦聽了他們的對話感到有點奇怪。路易莎伯母招呼他進去，走進門廳。門廳裡鋪著紅色和黃色的地磚，上面交替畫著希臘正十字和神的羔羊。氣勢宏偉的樓梯通向廳外，它是用磨亮的松木做的，有一股異香；當年教堂換裝座椅時，幸好剩下很多木料，於是就建造成了這道樓梯。樓梯欄杆上刻著四福音書的圖徽。

「我叫人把爐火生好了，我想經過這麼長的旅途後，你們一定是又累又冷的，」凱里太太說。

有個黑色的大火爐擺在門廳裡，只有碰到天氣很冷，再加上牧師感冒的日子才升火取暖。即使凱里太太感冒了，也不會點這個爐子的。因為煤太貴了。而且，女傭瑪麗安Mary Ann 也不喜歡整座屋子每個地方都生火取暖。如果他們要每個爐子都生火，就得再加個女傭。冬天，凱里夫婦都待在餐室裡，所以一個火爐就夠了。夏天他們也照樣，凱里先生只在星期日下午才去客廳睡個午覺。不過每個星期六，他要人在書房裡生個火，這樣他才能寫他的講道稿。

路易莎伯母帶菲利浦上樓，讓他看那間面朝車道的小臥房。窗前就有棵大樹；現在菲利浦記起來了，因為它的樹幹太低了，所以可以爬得很高。

「小孩住小房間，」凱里太太說：「你不會害怕自己睡吧？」

「哦，不。」

他上回來這兒，有保姆陪著，所以凱里太太不用為他操心。現在她看著他，有些手足無措。

「你會洗手嗎？要不要我幫你洗？」

「我自己能洗，」他回答得很肯定。

「嗯，等你下樓來用茶點時，我可要看一看，」凱里太太說。

她對小孩子的事一無所悉。在菲利浦應該來布萊克斯泰勃的事確定之後，凱里太太在應該如何對待他的這件事上考慮了很多；她急切地想盡她的義務；而現在他到了，她卻發現自己對那孩子正像那孩子對她自己一樣的羞怯不安。但願他不會喧鬧粗野，因為她的丈夫就不喜歡喧鬧粗野的孩子。凱里太太找了個藉口走了，留下菲利浦一人，可是一下子又回來敲門。在門外問他會不會自己倒水，然後下樓打鈴吩咐僕人準備茶點。

餐室大而適當，兩邊都有窗戶，垂著厚重的紅布窗簾；中間擺了一張大餐桌；餐室的一邊擺著很氣派的桃花心木有裡層鏡子的櫥櫃。一個角落裡擺著一台風琴。壁爐兩邊各擺著一張鋪著印花皮的皮椅，都有椅套。一張有扶手的，被稱為“丈夫”；另一張沒有扶手，被稱為“老婆”。凱里太太從來不坐那張有扶手的椅子：她說，她寧可坐不太舒適的椅子；總是有一大堆的事要做，要是她的椅子也有扶手，那她可能一坐就不想起來了。

菲利浦進來時，凱里先生正在添火。他指給侄子看那兩根撥火棒。那根又粗又亮，表面光滑，沒使用過的叫“牧師”；另一根細得多，顯然是常用來撥弄爐火的，叫“副牧師”。

「我們還等什麼呢？」凱里先生說。

「我吩咐瑪麗安給你煮個雞蛋。我想你走這一趟，大概餓壞了。」

從倫敦到布萊克斯泰勃，依凱里太太想是很累的。她自己難得出門，因為一年只有三百英鎊的年俸；每次丈夫要想去渡假，因為不夠兩個人花，只好讓他一個人去。凱里先生很喜歡參加特會，每年總要設法去倫敦一趟；他也去巴黎看過一次商展，還跑了兩三趟瑞士。

瑪麗安把雞蛋端了進來，大家就座。菲利浦的椅子不夠高，凱里先生和他太太一時不知所措。

「我去拿幾本書來墊，」瑪麗安說。

她從風琴蓋上拿了一部大字版聖經和牧師經常用到的祈禱書，把它們放在菲利浦的椅子上。

「噢，威廉，他不可以坐在聖經上面，」凱里太太驚嚇地說。「你不能到書房去給他拿幾本書嗎？」

凱里先生想了一想。

「瑪麗安，如果你把祈禱書擺到上面，我想沒啥關係，」他說。「這本《公禱書》，本來就是像我們這種人寫的，不算是什麼聖典。」

「我沒想到這一點，威廉，」路易莎伯母說。

菲利浦就坐在這些書上，牧師做完了謝恩禱告，就把雞蛋的頂頭切下來。

「這兒，」他說著，把切下的雞蛋頂頭遞給菲利浦，「你喜歡的話，可以把我的蛋頭吃了。」

菲利浦希望自己能享用整個蛋，但是沒給，只能有多少吃多少。

「我不在的時候，那些雞，蛋下得如何？」牧師問。

「噢，糟糕得很，一天一兩個。」

「蛋頭味道還好吧，菲利浦？」他的伯父問。

「很好，謝謝。」

「星期天下午你還可以吃一次。」

凱里先生星期天用茶點時總要吃個煮蛋，這樣才有力氣帶領晚上的敬拜。

*******************

Philip parted from Emma with tears, but the journey to Blackstable amused him, and, when they arrived, he was resigned and cheerful. Blackstable was sixty miles from London. Giving their luggage to a porter, Mr. Carey set out to walk with Philip to the vicarage; it took them little more than five minutes, and, when they reached it, Philip suddenly remembered the gate. It was red and five-barred: it swung both ways on easy hinges; and it was possible, though forbidden, to swing backwards and forwards on it. They walked through the garden to the front-door. This was only used by visitors and on Sundays, and on special occasions, as when the Vicar went up to London or came back. The traffic of the house took place through a side-door, and there was a back door as well for the gardener and for beggars and tramps. It was a fairly large house of yellow brick, with a red roof, built about five and twenty years before in an ecclesiastical style. The front-door was like a church porch, and the drawing-room windows were gothic.

Mrs. Carey, knowing by what train they were coming, waited in the drawing-room and listened for the click of the gate. When she heard it she went to the door.

"There's Aunt Louisa," said Mr. Carey, when he saw her. "Run and give her a kiss."

Philip started to run, awkwardly, trailing his club-foot, and then stopped. Mrs. Carey was a little, shrivelled woman of the same age as her husband, with a face extraordinarily filled with deep wrinkles, and pale blue eyes. Her gray hair was arranged in ringlets according to the fashion of her youth. She wore a black dress, and her only ornament was a gold chain, from which hung a cross. She had a shy manner and a gentle voice.

"Did you walk, William?" she said, almost reproachfully, as she kissed her husband.

"I didn't think of it," he answered, with a glance at his nephew.

"It didn't hurt you to walk, Philip, did it?" she asked the child.

"No. I always walk."

He was a little surprised at their conversation. Aunt Louisa told him to come in, and they entered the hall. It was paved with red and yellow tiles, on which alternately were a Greek Cross and the Lamb of God. An imposing staircase led out of the hall. It was of polished pine, with a peculiar smell, and had been put in because fortunately, when the church was reseated, enough wood remained over. The balusters were decorated with emblems of the Four Evangelists.

"I've had the stove lighted as I thought you'd be cold after your journey," said Mrs. Carey.

It was a large black stove that stood in the hall and was only lighted if the weather was very bad and the Vicar had a cold. It was not lighted if Mrs. Carey had a cold. Coal was expensive. Besides, Mary Ann, the maid, didn't like fires all over the place. If they wanted all them fires they must keep a second girl. In the winter Mr. and Mrs. Carey lived in the dining-room so that one fire should do, and in the summer they could not get out of the habit, so the drawing-room was used only by Mr. Carey on Sunday afternoons for his nap. But every Saturday he had a fire in the study so that he could write his sermon.

Aunt Louisa took Philip upstairs and showed him into a tiny bed-room that looked out on the drive. Immediately in front of the window was a large tree, which Philip remembered now because the branches were so low that it was possible to climb quite high up it.

"A small room for a small boy," said Mrs. Carey. "You won't be frightened at sleeping alone?"

"Oh, no."

On his first visit to the vicarage he had come with his nurse, and Mrs. Carey had had little to do with him. She looked at him now with some uncertainty.

"Can you wash your own hands, or shall I wash them for you?"

"I can wash myself," he answered firmly.

"Well, I shall look at them when you come down to tea," said Mrs. Carey.

She knew nothing about children. After it was settled that Philip should come down to Blackstable, Mrs. Carey had thought much how she should treat him; she was anxious to do her duty; but now he was there she found herself just as shy of him as he was of her. She hoped he would not be noisy and rough, because her husband did not like rough and noisy boys. Mrs. Carey made an excuse to leave Philip alone, but in a moment came back and knocked at the door; she asked him, without coming in, if he could pour out the water himself. Then she went downstairs and rang the bell for tea.

The dining-room, large and well-proportioned, had windows on two sides of it, with heavy curtains of red rep; there was a big table in the middle; and at one end an imposing mahogany sideboard with a looking-glass in it. In one corner stood a harmonium. On each side of the fireplace were chairs covered in stamped leather, each with an antimacassar; one had arms and was called the husband, and the other had none and was called the wife. Mrs. Carey never sat in the arm-chair: she said she preferred a chair that was not too comfortable; there was always a lot to do, and if her chair had had arms she might not be so ready to leave it.

Mr. Carey was making up the fire when Philip came in, and he pointed out to his nephew that there were two pokers. One was large and bright and polished and unused, and was called the Vicar; and the other, which was much smaller and had evidently passed through many fires, was called the Curate.

"What are we waiting for?" said Mr. Carey.

"I told Mary Ann to make you an egg. I thought you'd be hungry after your journey."

Mrs. Carey thought the journey from London to Blackstable very tiring. She seldom travelled herself, for the living was only three hundred a year, and, when her husband wanted a holiday, since there was not money for two, he went by himself. He was very fond of Church Congresses and usually managed to go up to London once a year; and once he had been to Paris for the exhibition, and two or three times to Switzerland. Mary Ann brought in the egg, and they sat down. The chair was much too low for Philip, and for a moment neither Mr. Carey nor his wife knew what to do.

"I'll put some books under him," said Mary Ann.

She took from the top of the harmonium the large Bible and the prayer-book from which the Vicar was accustomed to read prayers, and put them on Philip's chair.

"Oh, William, he can't sit on the Bible," said Mrs. Carey, in a shocked tone. "Couldn't you get him some books out of the study?"

Mr. Carey considered the question for an instant.

"I don't think it matters this once if you put the prayer-book on the top, Mary Ann," he said. "The book of Common Prayer is the composition of men like ourselves. It has no claim to divine authorship."

"I hadn't thought of that, William," said Aunt Louisa.

Philip perched himself on the books, and the Vicar, having said grace, cut the top off his egg.

"There," he said, handing it to Philip, "you can eat my top if you like."

Philip would have liked an egg to himself, but he was not offered one, so took what he could.

"How have the chickens been laying since I went away?" asked the Vicar.

"Oh, they've been dreadful, only one or two a day."

"How did you like that top, Philip?" asked his uncle.

"Very much, thank you."

"You shall have another one on Sunday afternoon."

Mr. Carey always had a boiled egg at tea on Sunday, so that he might be fortified for the evening service.