太昂貴了Too Dear

Leo Tolstoy

1897

Bill Lin 譯

靠近法國和義大利的邊界，就在地中海的岸上，有一個小小的王國叫做摩納哥。很多小鄉鎮都可以誇口居民人數比這個王國多，據說他們全部約有七千人，假若把整個國土拿來分，一個居民分不到一畝acre。但是在這個像玩具的王國裡，有一個真的國王；他有一個皇宮，宮臣們，部長們，和一個主教，將軍們和軍隊。

軍隊不大，全部只有60個人，但還是個軍隊。像其他的地方一樣，這個國家也徵稅：菸草稅，餐酒和烈酒稅，和一個人頭稅。雖然這裡的人跟在其他國家裡的人一樣飲酒抽煙，但是他們人數這麼少，國王如果要靠它來養活他的宮臣和官員們和他自己，將會是很難過的，若不是他已經找到了一個新的特別財政收入來源。這個特別的財政收入來自一個賭場，那裡人們賭輪盤。人們來賭，不管輸贏，經營者一定抽營業額固定的百分比；從他的利潤裡，他付了一大筆錢給國王。他付了這麼多錢的原因，是因為它是歐洲僅存的賭場。有些小的日爾曼公國，以往也有類似的賭場，但是在某些年前他們被禁掉了。他們被停業的理由是因為這些賭場有很多的禍害。一個人會來試他的運氣，然後他會孤注一擲，就輸光了，然後他甚至拿不屬於他的錢去冒險，又輸掉了，然後在絕望中，他會去跳水或舉槍自殺。所以德國人不准他們的統治者以此賺錢；但是沒有一個人來阻止摩納哥國王，他仍舊擁有這個獨占事業。

所以現在每個想賭博的就去摩納哥。不管他們輸或贏，國王都賺到了。正如諺語所說的：「你不能靠誠實的勞力賺得大理石宮殿。」摩納哥國王也知道這是一個骯髒的事業，但是他能做什麼呢？他要活下去；而且從飲料和菸草徵收入也不是一件好事。所以他活著而且統治，耙著錢進來，而且舉行他的朝廷所有屬於一個真正的國王的儀式。

他有他的加冕禮，他的早朝；他獎賞、判刑、和赦免，他也有他的閱兵、政務會議、法律、和法庭：就像其他的王國，只是規模小一點。

現在要談的是幾年前，在這個玩具國王的領土上發生了一件謀殺案。這王國的百姓是和平的，以前沒有發生過這種事。於是大張旗鼓的召集法官們，以司法史上最大的陣仗來審判這個案子。包括了法官們、檢察官們、陪審團、和律師們。他們辯論，審判，最後他們他們根據法律，判決這個罪犯斬首死刑。至此一切順利。下一步，他們將處刑狀呈給國王。國王念了處刑狀而且背書確定了。「假如這個人必須被處決，就處決他。」

整件事就只有一個障礙；他們沒有一個砍頭的斷頭台，也沒有一名劊子手。部長們商量以後，決定查詢法國政府，問他們能否借他們一具機器，和一位專家專砍罪犯的頭；如果可以的話，可否告訴他們要花費多少錢。信函送出去。一星期後回覆了：可以供應一台機器和一位專家，需要花費16,000法郎。這個呈報到國王面前。他考慮了。唏，16,000法郎！「這壞蛋不值這麼多錢，」他說：「沒辦法便宜一點嗎？16,000法郎比全國百姓每人負擔2法郎還多。百姓不能忍受，可能會引起騷亂！」

所以就召開了一個政務會議，考慮可行的辦法；結果決定送一個類似的函件去查詢義大利國王。法國政府是民主的，對國王沒有適當的尊重；但是義大利國王是一位兄弟王室，可能會有促使減價的考慮。所以信就寫了，快速的回函也收到了。

義大利政府說他們很樂意提供一台機器和一位專家；全部只要12,000法郎，差旅費包括在內。這是便宜些，但是覺得還是太貴。這惡棍實在不值得那筆錢。這還幾乎是每人要多繳2法郎的稅。又召開了另一個政務會議。他們討論著，考慮要如何才能減少開銷。能不能有一名士兵，或許可以用一個粗糙又不失親切的方式來做它呢？將軍被找來問：「你能不能替我們找到一名士兵，願意砍下這個人的頭呢？打仗的時候他們並不介意殺人。事實上，這就是他們被訓練的目的。」所以將軍把事情對士兵們說了，看看他們之間是否有人不願做這件工作。但是沒有一個士兵願意來做。「不行，」他們說：「我們不知道怎麼做；我們不是被教做這一種事的。」

怎麼瓣？部長們又是考慮了再考慮。他們組成了一個調查團，一個委員會，再加一個小組委員會，最後他們決定，最好的辦法就是把死刑改成一個無期徒刑。這可以讓國王展示他的憐憫心，而且它會比較便宜。

國王同意這個更改，所以就這麼決定了。現在唯一的障礙就是──沒有一個適當的監牢來關一個被判終身監禁的人。有一個小的拘留所，關了一些暫時拘留的人，但是沒有堅固的牢房可用來做永久拘留。不過他們設法找到了一個可行的地方，把這個年輕人擺到那兒，再擺上個警衛看守他。

這囚犯關在那兒一個月又一個月，終於過了一年。但是當過了一年，有一天國王在翻閱他的收支帳簿，注意到一筆新的開銷。這是為了關那罪犯的開銷；這筆數目也不小。有一個特別警衛，有這個人的食物開銷。總計超過600法郎一年。更糟糕的是──這傢伙還年輕健壯，可能再活50年。當有人把它估算起來，整個事情蠻嚴重的。絕對不可以這樣。所以，國王召集了部長們，告訴他們：

「你們一定要找個比較省錢的方法來對付這個混蛋。目前的方案太昂貴了。」所以部長們開會，想了又想，一直到他們中間有一個人說：「諸位，我認為我們必須辭退警衛。」「但是以後，」另一個部長接口說：「這傢伙會跑掉。」「這樣，」那第一個發言人說：「讓他跑，讓他自己決定！」警衛被解雇了，他們等著看會發生什麼事。整個事情就這麼發生了，那罪犯在吃飯的時間走出來了，找不到他的警衛，他走到國王的廚房去拿他的餐食。他拿了人家給他的，回到牢房，自己關起門來，待在裡面。第二天同樣的事情又發生了。他在適當的時間去拿他的食物；至於逃跑嗎，他從未顯出一點點的跡象！該怎麼辦？他們又在研究這一樁事件。

「我們必須開門見山的告訴他，」他們說：「我們不要留他。」所以司法部長叫人去把他帶來。

「你為什麼不要逃跑？」部長說：「沒有警衛看管你。你可以去任你喜歡的地方，國王也不會在意。」

「我敢說國王不會在意，」這個人回答，「但是我沒有地方好去。我能做什麼呢？你們的判刑已經毀了我的人格，人們都看不起我。而且，我已經失業了。你們那麼惡劣的對待我。這很不公平，一開始，你們先判我死刑，你們就應該處死我；但是你們沒有這樣做。這是第一件事。我並沒有抱怨。然後你們判我要坐牢一輩子，而且派個警衛給我送食物；但是一段時間以後，你們又把他弄走了，我必須去拿我的食物。我也沒有抱怨。但是現在你實際上就是要我滾蛋！那我是不能同意的。你要怎麼做都可以，但是我絕不走開！」

怎麼辦？再一次召開政務會議。他們能夠採取什麼程序呢？那人不願意離開。他們反覆思考。唯一能把他弄走的辦法就是給他一筆撫卹金。所以他們向國王報告。「再也沒有其他的了，」他們說：「再怎麼說，我們必須把他弄走。」總金額就固定在600法郎，這就是他們向囚犯通告的。

「這樣，」他說：「我不會在意，只要你們保證定期付我錢。在這種條件下，我願意離開。」

所以這件事就擺平了。他先收了他的年金的1/3，離開國王的轄地。坐火車只需15分鐘；他移民了，只是過了邊界，在那兒，他買了一塊地，經營花園市集，現在過得很舒適。他總是在適當的時候去提取他的撫卹金。一拿到錢，他就到賭桌前，下個兩三法郎的賭注，時贏時輸，然後再回家。他生活得平安愉快。

還好，他沒有在一個不吝開銷去剁掉人頭，或把人終生監禁的國家去犯他的罪。

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NEAR the borders of France and Italy, on the shore of the Mediterranean Sea, lies a tiny little kingdom called Monaco. Many a small country town can boast more inhabitants than this kingdom, for there are only about seven thousand of them all told, and if all the land in the kingdom were divided there would not be an acre for each inhabitant. But in this toy kingdom there is a real kinglet; and he has a palace, and courtiers, and ministers, and a bishop, and generals, and an army.

It is not a large army, only sixty men in all, but still it is an army. There were also taxes in this kingdom as elsewhere: a tax on tobacco, and on wine and spirits and a poll-tax. But though the people there drink and smoke as people do in other countries, there are so few of them that the King would have been hard put to it to feed his courtiers and officials and to keep himself, if he had not found a new and special source of revenue. This special revenue comes from a gaming house, where people play roulette. People play, and whether they win or lose the keeper always gets a percentage on the turnover; and out of his profits he pays a large sum to the King. The reason he pays so much is that it is the only such gambling establishment left in Europe. Some of the little German Sovereigns used to keep gaming houses of the same kind, but some years ago they were forbidden to do so. The reason they were stopped was because these gaming houses did so much harm. A man would come and try his luck, then he would risk all he had and lose it, then he would even risk money that did not belong to him and lose that too, and then, in despair, he would drown or shoot himself. So the Germans forbade their rulers to make money in this way; but there was no one to stop the King of Monaco, and he remained with a monopoly of the business.

So now every one who wants to gamble goes to Monaco. Whether they win or lose, the King gains by it. 'You can't earn stone palaces by honest labor,' as the proverb says; and the Kinglet of Monaco knows it is a dirty business, but what is he to do? He has to live; and to draw a revenue from drink and from tobacco is also not a nice thing. So he lives and reigns, and rakes in the money, and holds his court with all the ceremony of a real king.

He has his coronation, his levees; he rewards, sentences, and pardons, and he also has his reviews, councils, laws, and courts of justice: just like other kings, only all on a smaller scale.

Now it happened a few years ago that a murder was committed in this toy King's domains. The people of that kingdom are peaceable, and such a thing had not happened before. The judges assembled with much ceremony and tried the case in the most judicial manner. There were judges, and prosecutors, and jurymen, and barristers. They argued and judged, and at last they condemned the criminal to have his head cut off as the law directs. So far so good. Next they submitted the sentence to the King. The King read the sentence and confirmed it. 'If the fellow must be executed, execute him.'

There was only one hitch in the matter; and that was that they had neither a guillotine for cutting heads off, nor an executioner. The Ministers considered the matter, and decided to address an inquiry to the French Government, asking whether the French could not lend them a machine and an expert to cut off the criminal's head; and if so, would the French kindly inform them what the cost would be. The letter was sent. A week later the reply came: a machine and an expert could be supplied, and the cost would be 16,000 francs. This was laid before the King. He thought it over. Sixteen thousand francs! 'The wretch is not worth the money,' said he: 'Can't it be done, somehow, cheaper? Why 16,000 francs is more than two francs a head on the whole population. The people won't stand it, and it may cause a riot!'

So a Council was called to consider what could be done; and it was decided to send a similar inquiry to the King of Italy. The French Government is republican, and has no proper respect for kings; but the King of Italy was a brother monarch, and might be induced to do the thing cheaper. So the letter was written, and a prompt reply was received.

The Italian Government wrote that they would have pleasure in supplying both a machine and an expert; and the whole cost would be 12,000 francs, including traveling expenses. This was cheaper, but still it seemed too much. The rascal was really not worth the money. It would still mean nearly two francs more per head on the taxes. Another Council was called. They discussed and considered how it could be done with less expense. Could not one of the soldiers perhaps be got to do it in a rough and homely fashion? The General was called and was asked: 'Can't you find us a soldier who would cut the man's head off? In war they don't mind killing people. In fact, that is what they are trained for.' So the General talked it over with the soldiers to see whether one of them would not undertake the job. But none of the soldiers would do it. 'No,' they said, 'we don't know how to do it; it is not a thing we have been taught.'

What was to be done? Again the Ministers considered and reconsidered. They assembled a Commission, and a Committee, and a Sub-Committee, and at last they decided that the best thing would be to alter the death sentence to one of imprisonment for life. This would enable the King to show his mercy, and it would come cheaper.

The King agreed to this, and so the matter was arranged. The only hitch now was that there was no suitable prison for a man sentenced for life. There was a small lock-up where people were sometimes kept temporarily, but there was no strong prison fit for permanent use. However, they managed to find a place that would do, and they put the young fellow there and placed a guard over him. The guard had to watch the criminal, and had also to fetch his food from the palace kitchen.

The prisoner remained there month after month till a year had passed. But when a year had passed, the Kinglet, looking over the account of his income and expenditure one day, noticed a new item of expenditure. This was for the keep of the criminal; nor was it a small item either. There was a special guard, and there was also the man's food. It came to more than 600 francs a year. And the worst of it was that the fellow was still young and healthy, and might live for fifty years. When one came to reckon it up, the matter was serious. It would never do. So the King summoned his Ministers and said to them:

'You must find some cheaper way of dealing with this rascal. The present plan is too expensive.' And the Ministers met and considered and reconsidered, till one of them said: 'Gentlemen, in my opinion we must dismiss the guard.' 'But then,' rejoined another Minister, 'the fellow will run away.' 'Well,' said the first speaker, 'let him run away, and be hanged to him!' So they reported the result of their deliberations to the Kinglet, and he agreed with them. The guard was dismissed, and they waited to see what would happen. All that happened was that at dinner-time the criminal came out, and, not finding his guard, he went to the King's kitchen to fetch his own dinner. He took what was given him, returned to the prison, shut the door on himself, and stayed inside. Next day the same thing occurred. He went for his food at the proper time; but as for running away, he did not show the least sign of it! What was to be done? They considered the matter again.

'We shall have to tell him straight out,' said they, 'that we do not want to keep him.' So the Minister of Justice had him brought before him.

'Why do you not run away?' said the Minister. 'There is no guard to keep you. You can go where you like, and the King will not mind.'

'I daresay the King would not mind,' replied the man, 'but I have nowhere to go. What can I do? You have ruined my character by your sentence, and people will turn their backs on me. Besides, I have got out of the way of working. You have treated me badly. It is not fair. In the first place, when once you sentenced me to death you ought to have executed me; but you did not do it. That is one thing. I did not complain about that. Then you sentenced me to imprisonment for life and put a guard to bring me my food; but after a time you took him away again and I had to fetch my own food. Again I did not complain. But now you actually want me to go away! I can't agree to that. You may do as you like, but I won't go away!'

What was to be done? Once more the Council was summoned. What course could they adopt? The man would not go. They reflected and considered. The only way to get rid of him was to offer him a pension. And so they reported to the King. 'There is nothing else for it,' said they; 'we must get rid of him somehow.' The sum fixed was 600 francs, and this was announced to the prisoner.

'Well,' said he, 'I don't mind, so long as you undertake to pay it regularly. On that condition I am willing to go.'

So the matter was settled. He received one-third of his annuity in advance, and left the King's dominions. It was only a quarter of an hour by rail; and he emigrated, and settled just across the frontier, where he bought a bit of land, started market-gardening, and now lives comfortably. He always goes at the proper time to draw his pension. Having received it, he goes to the gaming tables, stakes two or three francs, sometimes wins and sometimes loses, and then returns home. He lives peaceably and well.

It is a good thing that he did not commit his crime in a country where they do not grudge expense to cut a man's head off, or to keeping him in prison for life.